· Turn problems into situations. Instead of saying, "We have a problem," say "There’s a situation that we need to resolve." It has a much lighter feel to it and won’t cause as much anxiety.

· Change should to could. You can soften a negative statement such as "You should have worked on that management report instead of filing papers," by changing one word. "You could have worked on that management report instead of filing papers." Using the word should creates guilt about an event that’s in the past. The word could doesn’t condemn anyone. It lets people know that they had a choice and negative outcomes become lessons for making better choices in the future.

· Replace bad with not wise. Instead of saying, "It was bad that you missed work when we had a deadline to meet," say "Missing work when we had a deadline to meet was not a wise decision." Using the word bad is a judgment of a person’s character and causes resentment. But the words not wise refer to the natural consequences of the person’s actions.

· Transform mistakes into valuable lessons. Nobody wants to hear "You made a mistake." Instead say, "There is a valuable lesson in what you did." The first statement will inhibit people from trying new things in the future. The second version turns the situation into an opportunity for people to learn from their actions.